


Triple Threat

by authorizedfiction



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Hinata is a human ultrasound, Humor, Non-Massacre AU, SasuSaku - Freeform, Sasuke and Sakura are horny teenagers, Uchiha Triplets, be warned, very self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26683492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/authorizedfiction/pseuds/authorizedfiction
Summary: "Holy fuck that's like six sharingans!" Sasuke and Sakura are pregnant with triplets and here's how everyone goes about it. NonMassacre AU SasuSaku. Mostly funny. Sort of crack-ish.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke
Comments: 18
Kudos: 133





	Triple Threat

**Author's Note:**

> So I made this fic with the image of Sasuke and Sakura having a lot of babies. My friends and I were chatting up about how Sasuke really needed more descendants to rebuild his clan and we got a laugh at imagining him saying "Holy fuck, that's like six sharingans!" if he ever had triplets. I extremely enjoyed writing this fic. The characters might be a little OOC in this since they're not up to their usual quirks. Everyone in here is pretty chaotic tbh. I tried to be funny with this as always, so enjoy! Again, warning people to not take anything I write here too seriously as I drastically exaggerate for drama and humor. Plus, this is the most non-serious writing that I've ever written lol.
> 
> Though Training was my first ever published SasuSaku fanfic, Triple Threat was the first one I really started writing.
> 
> Also if you're on Twitter, follow me @authorizedfics if you'd like. I mostly engage there and post short SasuSaku snippets when I have the time.
> 
> Here's about 7k words of complete and utter self-indulgent chaos.

Sakura would argue that she was a pretty level-headed person.

Sure, she was known as the demon queen medic of the hospital as she bosses around her entire medical staff mercilessly, and of course she's known for her infamous temper that usually puts Sai and Naruto through the ringer for being their infuriatingly stupid selves, but overall she'd say that she was a person that could at least keep her wits within her through dire situations.

So when Hinata suddenly told her that she was pregnant with triplets after watching her upchuck her ramen to the nearest trash bin, she started doubting whether that image of herself that she built in her head was actually true.

There she was, finishing off her long shift from the hospital by dropping by Ichiraku's to get ramen for breakfast. In truth, she really didn't want to eat the disgusting bowl of noodles for the morning (They were great the first couple of times but being around Naruto meant you had a bowl of ramen with him at least thrice a week. Who the hell eats ramen for breakfast anyway?) but seeing as Naruto wanted to eat out with her before he went on a mission right after, she decided to go despite it all to see him off.

When she arrived, she sat down beside Hinata. She and Hinata had bonded more these past few months as Sakura herself had been spending a lot of time with the couple by going on double dates with Sasuke in tow; though sometimes it was just her third-wheeling like today.

Recently, Hinata and Naruto have been attached to the hip going on dates all around the village ever since the fresh start of their relationship during that one moon mission. It was only natural that his once shy extremely demure girlfriend would want to see Naruto off before his mission too. Sasuke would've come with them as well if it weren't for the fact that he pulled an all nighter for his dad back at the police office. Sakura would have to stop by there later, to give him some er, _quality time_.

As they ate, Naruto started talking about nice places to go to around the village, new sites to see, new dating places to try out, and while they conversed, Sakura swirled around the bowl of ramen in front of her and suddenly felt nauseous. As in spew-her-guts kind of nauseous.

_What the heck is happening?_

Using her quick reflexes, Sakura threw herself to the nearest trash bin and heaved. A lot.

 _Gross,_ Sakura thought.

She then started thinking about how she'd been heaving a lot this week, and she did not like it all. The hospital did have a round of the stomach flu recently, so maybe she'd have to tough it out for a few days.

She'd been planning to take a break from work but then last night there was a stat surgery needed for a jonin caught ambushed at the outskirts of the village. She threw on her clothes at three in the morning and ran to the hospital with an ANBU escort. The patient seemed to be stable for now but that didn't mean he was out of the woods just yet.

Hinata and Naruto flew to her side the moment she clutched the waste bin.

"Sakura, are you okay?" Hinata, the kind person that she is, started rubbing her back comfortingly as she heaved.

Naruto was there along with her, holding Sakura's hair away from her face. "Yeah, Sakura-chan. You're not looking too good."

"I'm...I'm alright. It's probably just something I got from the hospital. Can you get me some water?" she said to Naruto. The boy nodded and padded to the counter immediately.

#

Staring at Sakura, Hinata started wondering what on earth was happening to her friend. The past few days, Sakura kept feeling nauseous whenever she and Naruto went to visit her at the hospital, saying it was quote and quote ' _no big deal'_ or that maybe she just ' _caught something from one of her patients'_ and that she'd ' _handle it by herself'_ or that ' _it'd go away in a while'_. None of these statements seemed to be the case to her.

Not to mention, Hinata noticed that Sakura was starting to develop really big jugs.

Not that she was one to notice those kinds of things of course but if someone who had small boobs like Sakura suddenly grew into a full B cup to borderline C cup in such a short amount of time, it was kind of hard _not_ to notice. At first she thought maybe her bras just got more padding but then she started to wonder if it was actually something else. Something more...practical.

It's no secret that Hinata Hyuuga had a very keen eye, what with the Byakugan she possesses, she was known to be a person who would be analytical towards any type of situation.

However what made her ask the question she was going to ask Sakura was not born out of just pure analysis, it was also intuition. Women's intuition. So with an extremely red and embarrassed face she asks-

"Sakura, have you and Sasuke been having sex since he came back?"

#

Just as she was recovering from her nausea, Sakura then started feeling more dizzy.

Why was Hinata suddenly curious about her sex life?

She then thought that sure, she and Sasuke _have_ been dating for a long time, and yeah they _were_ pretty private about their relationship, but for Hinata to just suddenly blurt out the question like that made the blood rush to her face fast.

Not because she was embarrassed or anything like that but rather for the past few weeks, she and Sasuke have been going at each other like rabbits.

He just got back from a mission a couple weeks back and for some inexplicable goddamn reason, Sakura felt horny _all the goddamn time_. She'd attack him at his office and hunt him down at his home, and they'd just keep going at it until they were completely exhausted- which was a pretty long time considering both Sasuke and her possessed such excellent physical stamina. One of the perks of them training a lot was that it made them go all out in bed. Sakura was having such mindblowing sex with her boyfriend that it made her red in the face just thinking about it.

Sakura, ultimately being frank, nodded.

"Lots. Like a whole load," she then raises a brow. "Why?"

#

Hinata's eyebrows raised fractionally at her as if to give her a look that said "damn girl" and Sakura gave her a noncommittal shrug.

Hinata— now deciding that her theory was more plausible—then activated her Byakugan and started scanning through Sakura's body. Analyzing her cephalocaudally, she saw nothing wrong with the pinkette, nothing out of the ordinary, that is until she reached her abdomen. Hinata's eyes widened at the sight.

There inside of Sakura were three very distinct chakra signatures that were not hers.

Turns out Hinata was right, Sakura's new boobs were in fact not due to heavy padding but rather was a result of biological consequence.

Hinata had expected one, _as in one singular_ , extra chakra signature present within Sakura to explain her new boobs and morning sickness. To find three there had left her more than surprised, to say the least.

"S-Sakura, I don't know how to tell you this but you have three chakra signatures within you right now."

#

"Three?" Sakura asked as her brows furrowed.

 _That can't be right. How the hell do I have three chakra signatures when..._ oh...OH.

Sakura paled. For being such a high caliber medic, Sakura thought she must've been a real dumbass.

"I think you're pregnant with triplets." Hinata declared.

" _She's what?!_ " Naruto shrieked incredulously, eyes wide, mouth agape.

He was near them at an earshot and the glass of water he was nursing fell from his grasp.

It all but crashed to the ground the moment the words tumbled out of his girlfriend's lips.

"Naruto-kun, Sakura's pregnant with triplets." She repeated.

And that was the moment when Sakura fainted.

* * *

By all means, Sasuke would say he was pretty good at his job. Too good, in fact, to the point that his dad had been abusing his skills for these past few days by making him stay up late in the godforsaken police office in order to work on a stack of police reports that were going to be overdue unless he had anything to do about it.

There he was, snoozing on his office chair, feet propped on the table, arms crossed in front of him, with a scroll on top of his head, carelessly resting away as he took a break from all the infuriating paperwork he had to do.

That was until his crazy (beautiful) girlfriend marched up to his office and yanked the scroll out of his face disrupting him out of his slumber.

"Wake up!"

"Hn," Sasuke grumbled as he stretched and rubbed the sleep off his eyes. "What the _hell_ , Sakura?" He groaned.

Under normal circumstances, Sasuke would've been happy to see the rosette visit him in his office. She usually would have brought him food, given him a nice sensual massage to ease his sore muscles, and maybe proposition him for sex if she was in one of her, _ehem_ , moods (which recently was all the time).

But this day didn't seem to be of regular circumstance and Sakura _obviously_ wasn't in a good mood, so he had to wonder what she was doing here with such a loose temper.

Sakura stood in front of him with her arms crossed, sporting a frown.

"You really did it this time."

"Did what?" He asked dumbly as he yawned.

Sakura shoved a small black and white picture into his hands. "That."

"What the heck is this?" Sasuke asked as he looked at the blobby image and inspected it. It looked like some kind of abstract art with numbers on the sides. Was this a code? A secret message? A coupon to get half-priced tomatoes perhaps?

_Heck if he knew._

Being fresh out of sleep really did do something to his brain capacity. _Note to self,_ he thought, _give brain one hour to reboot upon waking up._

Sakura saw the plain confusion on her boyfriend's face and face-palmed. Just how was this boy deemed a prodigy when they were young?

"It's a sonogram, you idiot!"

Sasuke raised his brows at her questioningly. "And I have this...because?"

"Do I have to spell it out for you?" Sakura sighed. "Kami, I'm pregnant with triplets!" She cried, throwing her arms up in frustration.

Sasuke sprung out of his seat.

" _Holy fuck that's like six sharingans!"_

Given that wasn't really his main concern upon hearing this piece of information, those were just the first thoughts that went into his head when Sakura said _triplets_.

_Triplets for crying out loud._

He smirked to himself. Damn Sasuke knew he was good, but he didn't think he'd be knock-Sakura-up-with-triplets-without-even-trying kind of good.

Sakura could tell that the smug bastard was proud of himself and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and they're _inside me._ Go figure."

Sasuke faced her, and shook his head, eyes wide, still surprised. "Hey I always wore a condom, and weren't you on birth control?"

Sakura frowned. "I am on birth control but that has its lapses and we've been going at it too much these days, there was bound to be a moment where we forgot to put one on."

"Point taken." Sasuke conceded.

Sasuke slapped his hands to his face to make his brain more coherent. Finally getting his head on straight, he then walked up to the girl and touched her cheek worriedly.

"Are you okay though?" Concern and protectiveness clear in his voice.

Sasuke wasn't a _complete_ asshole. Contrary to what other people may see or say, he actually does love Sakura a lot. He just didn't like public displays of affection. He liked showing her how much she mattered to him through gestures like cooking her breakfast, walking her home or bringing her lunch, helping her train, and also maybe even being a beast in the bedroom just to satisfy her _every_ need. Either way, the girl was now carrying not one, not two, but _three_ of his babies. He needed to know if she herself was okay with this.

Sakura gave him a small smile in response and pecked him on the lips. "You know I want your children, Sasuke. I just thought we'd have them in maybe a few years...And maybe not three at a time." She amended sheepishly.

Sasuke smirked at her. "It's not my fault that Uchiha's are incredibly potent."

Sakura knew, just _knew_ he'd be smug about that.

Sakura rolled her eyes as she pulled him close. "I blame your extremely aggressive overachieving sperm for this."

Sasuke scoffed and kissed her forehead. "You make it sound _so_ weird but just as well, you can equally blame your extremely aggressive overachieving ovaries too."

She shrugged. "Fair point. But for real though?" She gave him a soft smile. "I'm happy. I mean they're _ours_ , Sasuke. Of course, I love them already. Plus I have a stable job as a doctor. You in the police force. I think we're good all things considering." She rambled.

They were a little young, sure but being a shinobi meant that your life was always on the line, so it'd be fine if they became parents early. It's not like they weren't planning to have kids in the future anyway, they just happened to come at an earlier time than expected.

"We're perfect." Sasuke pulled her close to him and kissed the top of her head. "And we're totally going to be great as parents."

Sakura smiled wider. "Yeah but before that we're going have to tell _our_ parents."

Sasuke visibly paled and swallowed slowly. "Kizashi will probably kill me."

There were very few things in life that Sasuke Uchiha was afraid of. Kizashi Haruno was one of them. He had a feeling that Sakura's father wouldn't be too keen on the idea that they've conceived a child before marriage. But of course, he'd work on that later.

Sakura sat down on the table in front of him, looking unfazed. "He probably won't hurt you."

Sasuke threw her an impassive look.

" _Much_. He probably won't hurt you _much._ " She amended. "How about yours though? Any idea how they're going to take it?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes, taking a seat back on his chair. "Kaa-san has been pestering me and Itachi for grandkids for _years,_ Sakura _._ "

"Itachi-nii-san and Izumi-nee-san already have mini Mikoto."

Itachi and Izumi have been married for a year now and Izumi had been pregnant straight out of their honeymoon. They named the baby after the Uchiha matriarch herself after she consistently insisted that they had to as the child they bore looked a lot like her. And she did.

Sasuke raised an angled brow towards her. "Yeah, but do you really think my mother will be satisfied with just one _singular_ grandchild?"

Sakura shrugged. "Well now, she has like three more so I'm guessing she'll probably faint on site like I did."

"You fainted? Did you get hurt?"

Sakura waved a hand at him dismissively. "I was with Naruto and Hinata so they took me to the hospital straight away."

He nodded and sighed in relief. "I hope you're ready for mother to attack you with all things baby," Sasuke shuddered.

To call his mother overbearing would be an understatement. Growing up, Mikoto Uchiha had always been such a doting mother to Sasuke and Itachi. These matriarchal senses of hers just shift to maximum overdrive whenever babies are involved, especially if those said babies were her family's. So one can only imagine how she acted when it was her own grandchild involved.

When Izumi was pregnant, Mikoto was always at her side making her meals, giving her snacks, buying her books and taking her shopping. In between those they'd talk about her appointments, and nutrition, and parenting, and breastfeeding, and bottlefeeding, and cesarean pregnancies, and natural birth pregnancies, and back support, and positioning, and everything else that made Izumi overload with information and anxiety. Izumi barely had time to herself, let alone a potty break. Itachi had to intervene and kick their mom out of the house _politely_ as he could after she insisted on spending an entire trimester there.

Sakura obviously did not see the threat that was Mikoto Uchiha.

"There's going to be three of them, Sasuke. _Three_. I'm definitely going to need her help. I sure as heck ain't going to complain about it."

 _Famous last words._ Sasuke thought. "So dinner tonight, at my parents place? I'm just about done here so we can go to your parents and tell them now."

Sakura nodded, it was probably better to let them know as soon as possible. She sighed. "Here goes nothing."

Sakura made a move to stand-up but two arms were on either side of her waist refusing to let her leave. She raised a brow at her boyfriend.

"What?"

"Before that I think a bit of a celebration is in order." He murmured as he buried his face in her neck and started peppering her shoulder with soft open mouthed kisses.

Sakura hummed in appreciation and threw her head back at how good his lips felt on her bare skin. "Hm. It _is_ a happy occasion."

"And you can bet we're going to have to do it thrice." The tone he used made it so that there was no room for argument. Not that Sakura even wanted to.

"Won't we be late though?"

His eyes darkened. "We'll finish the other two rounds later at night."

"What if I say that maybe thrice isn't enough?" She smirked.

Sasuke stared at his girlfriend, impressed. _You gotta love those god damn pregnancy hormones._

* * *

"Triplets?" Itachi raised his brows at the news.

"Triplets." Sasuke repeated, taking a bite of the salmon on his plate with his chopsticks.

Shisui all but just laughed at his cousin's face and smacked him on the back, causing Sasuke to nearly choke on the food he was eating.

"I can't believe this kid knocked Sakura up with an _entire genin team!_ What an impressive asshole!" Shisui guffawed while wiping tears out of his eyes from laughter.

Sasuke glared at him grabbing a glass of water to down while Sakura merely huffed at the statement.

Sasuke had gathered all of his family at the main household to give them the news of him and Sakura expecting triplets and so far his family had been welcoming but insufferable about it.

Mikoto glared at her nephew. "Language, Shisui." She then directed her attention to the pink haired woman at their table. "Sakura, would you like more broccoli? And dessert? How about-"

"Kaa-san, stop smothering her." Sasuke complained after drinking a whole glass of water.

"Oh shush you! There's still so much to do, like scheduling appointments, finding a doctor, buying baby things and-"

"Sakura _is_ a doctor, mom. She works at the hospital, I'm pretty sure Tsunade herself is going to want to be her personal doctor. She went there awhile ago and she already has scheduled check-ups and tests. Plus we can always use some of the baby stuff, mini Mikoto grew out of."

"Nonsense, Itachi and Izumi might still want to pop me a new set of grandkids too you know."

The couple sweat dropped. They already had a handful with the small Mikoto as it is.

"Just let mother do her thing, Sasuke." Itachi cautioned his brother. "Trust me it'll be better than getting her more aggressive.

Izumi nodded vehemently giving Sakura a look that meant she should definitely watch out for Mikoto's antics.

"But still Sasu-chan, did you know only one in ten thousand pregnancies result in triplets? What are you even on?" Shisui spoke with his mouth full.

Sasuke ignored him. He had more pressing matters to attend to. Like talking to his father about asking for Sakura's hand in marriage.

"Tou-san, I'd like to talk to you after dinner."

Fugaku nodded and the dinner continued with more jibes from Shuisui, overbearing comments from Mikoto, and subtle warnings of things to come from Itachi and Izumi.

From this moment alone, Sasuke and Sakura already knew that they were going to be in for quite a ride.

* * *

"So Hinata functioned as a walking human ultrasound and found out you're having triplets?"

Sakura nodded. "Then I fainted."

"Then you fainted?"

" _Then I fainted."_

Ino laughed with tears in her eyes, clutching her stomach. "Damn Forehead, you're a _riot_!"

The two were currently catching up at Ino's flower shop. Ino Yamanaka had the surprise of her life when she found out she'd automatically be the godmother of three babies at such a young age. Now she was grilling the pink haired kunoichi for details about her pregnancy.

Sakura grimaced. "I'm glad you find my life so amusing."

The blonde smirked. "Don't start with me, Forehead. I'm the only one in the village who knows how kinky you and Sasuke really are in detail. I bet when you told him, you wound up bent over on his desk."

Sakura blushed. Maybe sharing absolutely _everything_ with Ino wasn't such a good idea.

Ino rolled her eyes. "And I'm willing to bet you guys did it more than once too."

"Stop making me feel so predictable!"

Ino tsked. "The village will be devastated to find out that their lovely cherry blossom's actually such a sexual maniac."

Sakura crossed her arms defensively. "We have a healthy sex life, okay?"

"Yes, Sakura. You and Sasuke's sex life is the wonderful image of good health." She drawled. "How'd it go with both of your parents? I bet Kizashi wasn't happy."

Sakura winced. "He congratulated Sasuke with a very firm handshake. I'm pretty sure he whispered a death threat somewhere in there when I wasn't looking."

"And Mebuki?"

"Same as Mikoto," she shrugged. "Can't wait to have grandchildren."

"And I'm guessing Fugaku has to tell the Uchiha elders? How is that going to go? Aren't they super strict or something?"

Sakura had a worried look on her face. "Sasuke said he'd handle it. They talked after dinner last night."

Ino gave her a knowing look. "Has the idiot asked you to marry him yet?"

Sakura looked surprised. "I haven't actually thought about it 'til now."

The blonde shook her head. "Only you, Forehead. Only you."

"I was too busy being pregnant with _triplets_ ," Sakura deadpanned. "Excuse me for not thinking about wedding plans."

Ino raised a brow. "Do you really think that those uptight Uchiha's are going to let you have these babies out of wedlock?"

The girl frowned. "I'm just going to look fat in my dress anyway. And there's the fact that I don't even know if the Uchiha elders would even approve of me marrying Sasuke."

Ino glared at her. "Forehead, listen to me. If those snooty Uchihas don't let you marry Sasuke, he'll ram a chidori up all their clogged asses! And even then, you're already the Godaime's apprentice, head of Konoha General and you're the main house's personal medic. They'd be crazy to deny you."

Sakura wasn't so sure. "I'm still not from a clan, Ino."

Ino rolled her eyes. "Oh put a sock in it. Your baby daddy will probably handle getting permission, if not he doesn't deserve you or your triplets."

Sakura smiled a bit. "Thanks, Ino."

Ino's eyes softened. "You're welcome, Forehead."

Sakura checked the wall clock and saw that it was getting late. "I have to find Sasuke, he said we'd meet up by sundown but he didn't actually tell me where."

Ino looked at her suspiciously. "I bet wherever he is, he's trying to muster up the balls to propose to you."

Sakura laughed. "I'm his long term girlfriend pregnant with his triplets. He still needs to practice for that?"

Ino rolled her eyes. "Sasuke Uchiha is the worst casanova in all of the Leaf, Forehead. He may look pretty but his skills in romance are absolutely terrible. It's a miracle he even knew how to ask you out."

Sakura looked at her sheepishly. "He's not that bad."

The blonde raised a brow. "He nearly killed you with anaphylactic shock trying to ask you out, Forehead."

"He was nervous!"

"He gave you the one thing you were allergic to!"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine. He bought me roses, shoved them in my face and I started sneezing the entire time he tried asking me out. But in his defense, Naruto bought that bouquet for him to help him out and _I_ thought he was being completely adorable!"

"And I repeat. Only you, Forehead. Only you." Ino sighed disappointedly. "Now go get your butt to the Uchiha main house! Lover boy's probably there!"

* * *

"Can you believe your little twerp brother actually knocked Sakura-chan up with triplets?"

Itachi nodded and beside him, his wife Izumi shrugged.

"With the rate that they were going at it, it was only a matter of time for them really," she turned to her husband. "Do you remember when they broke Sakura-chan's apartment?" Izumi mused.

Itachi blinked. "Are you pertaining to the time wherein Sakura punched a chakra infused fist from the headboard to the wall as she was on the brink of an-"

Izumi gasped. "Itachi!"

Shisui's eyes were as wide as saucers. " _That's_ how they broke her apartment?"

Itachi nodded grimly. "Her entire wall was converted to saw dust, apparently."

"Fuck, Sasu-chan's got game." Shisui mumbled then shook his head. "How'd you hear about this?"

Itachi sat with a grim look on his face. "The wall between my room and Sasuke's is very thin."

Izumi giggled. "It's just surprising because they barely engage in PDA."

"Any sort of affection they have, they save for their private quarters. That much I can assure you." Itachi said with a shudder.

Sometimes it wasn't an entirely nice thing to have his little brother's room right next to his. The day Itachi moved in with Izumi was a good day indeed, he no longer had to be scarred with the noises on the other side of the wall along with their rambunctious physical activities knocking things off of his bedroom shelves.

Those were definitely noises Itachi didn't want to hear ever again. He bolted right out of their house and made sure to never be home when their parents left ever.

Shisui gave out a thoughtful look. "I should probably gift them three boxes of condoms or something to congratulate them. Do you think that's enough for a while?"

Izumi's jaw dropped to the floor. "In what world would three boxes of condoms not be enough?"

Itachi gave her a look. "Despite the reputation my brother had of having the sexual drive of a monk before he dated Sakura, his libido is surprisingly very healthy." Itachi frowned. " _Too_ healthy if you ask me."

"Yeah, one time I heard them going at it at the hospital. That was the time I started to figure that having scheduled appointments with Sakura-chan would be better than actually dropping by and having my ears be tainted by my cousin's sexual grunting and his girlfriend's muffled screaming."

"Again no PDA but such blatant promiscuity behind closed doors. They're freaky." Izumi shuddered.

Itachi were wide as the eyes of a man traumatized. "You don't know the half of it."

The ANBU captain stood up and dusted off his pants. "I have to meet Tou-san and Kaa-san to discuss clan matters. I'll be right back."

"Oh is this about Sasuke asking for Sakura's hand in marriage?" Izumi asked concerned.

Itachi nodded. "He and Tou-san spoke last night and father finally took care of the elders this morning."

Shisui waved a hand at them dismissively. "Sakura-chan's got an impressive repertoire. Even the Uchiha elders can't deny her."

Itachi shrugged. "You actually couldn't be more right. They want Sakura-chan for her chakra control and medical skills. It would be advantageous for the clan."

Izumi let out a sigh of relief. "At least they have the okay on that aspect. Now all there's left is for your brother to actually have the nerve to propose to Sakura-chan."

Shisui scoffed. "He's going to need all the help he can get."

The corner of Itachi's mouth twitched. "He's currently at the training grounds trying to go over his words with Aoda."

Shisui looked at him alarmed. "He's practicing a proposal with a _giant snake?_ "

Itachi nodded then sighed. "He's hopeless."

Izumi giggled. "Yeah but Sakura-chan still loves him. So no matter what he does, things will turn out fine."

Shisui rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well he's a lucky one there."

* * *

The Uchiha main house was quiet upon Sakura's arrival which meant that either there was a clan meeting or that everyone had their own errands.

Seeing as Sasuke wasn't there, Sakura was about to leave until she caught sight of a man with long raven hair coming down the stairs.

Sakura blinked. "Itachi-nii, where is everyone?"

Itachi tilted his head. "Tou-san and Kaa-san just left. They have a meeting with the Uchiha elders."

Sakura nodded. "And Sasuke?"

Itachi swallowed nervously, avoiding her eyes. "I have not the faintest clue."

Sakura narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "You're lying Itachi-nii. Where's my boyfriend?"

Itachi couldn't tell her that Sasuke was at the training grounds practicing his proposal. He probably needed all the time and help he could get. If Sakura arrived there before he was ready, who knows what his little brother would mess up?

Unfortunately for Itachi, Sakura was feeling a bit vindictive.

"Itachi-nii if you don't tell me where Sasuke is right now, I'm going to tell you things about your brother that you _really really_ do not want to know about."

Itachi froze, suddenly remembering all he's heard through the paper thin walls.

She wouldn't. _Would she?_

Sakura cleared her throat. "Sasuke's very _very_ agile and-"

His eyes widened. "Sakura, oh my god-"

"-the fact that he's lean and lightweight-"

" _-please_ , dear god, _please_ _no_ -"

"-with strong rock hard muscles, makes it really easy for him to-

"TRAINING GROUNDS! OH MY GOD HE'S AT THE TRAINING GROUNDS!"

"I was going to tell you that it made it easy for him to be faster than our enemies during missions and ram his blade into them." Sakura smirked.

Itachi's eyes slowly narrowed into slits. "You knew didn't you?"

Sakura had the gall to look innocent and nonchalant."That you were in the other room while Sasuke and I were getting freaky?" Sakura shrugged. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"It was to get me out of the house wasn't it." It wasn't a question.

Sakura made an effort to stifle her laughter. "Honestly, we were just goofing off that time and just pounded on the walls while making funny noises."

Itachi scowled. "You guys are evil."

Sakura giggled. "Oh lighten up, Itachi-nii! Your face was so red and you left the house in ten seconds flat!"

Itachi rolled his eyes, clearly unamused. "You and Sasuke, deserve each other. Truly."

Sakura shrugged. "Besides after you left and all the other times you were there…"

Itachi paled. "We are _not_ having this conversation!"

Sakura couldn't help but laugh again. "I'm guessing that's my cue to visit your brother." She headed for the door. "See you around, Itachi-nii!"

Sakura's chiding laughter still rang in Itachi's ears as she left the Uchiha premises.

* * *

Sasuke scratched the back of his head nervously.

"So I guess what I'm trying to say is, erm, Sakura. Uh, would you marry me?"

Silence.

" _Well?"_

Aoda looked at the Uchiha uncomfortably. "...You don't sound very confident, Sasuke-sama."

Sasuke glowered at the snake. "What did I do this time?"

"Forgive me, Sasuke-sama. However, you _guess_ that's what you're trying to say _erm Sakura?_ " The snake bristled. "It doesn't sound like you are sure!"

"She gets the message!" He cried out exasperated. He then started pacing back and forth. "Maybe I should just throw the ring at her and then she'll catch it and figure it out?"

Aoda looked as shocked as much as a gigantic snake could look. "I may be a snake but even I am not as cold blooded as you, Sasuke-sama."

Sasuke bit his lip. "Words aren't really my strong point."

The snake felt sympathy for the man because they really weren't. "Perhaps practicing isn't the way. Perhaps you should, how do they say it? _Wing it_ , Sasuke-sama?"

"Wing it?" Sasuke tested the word out loud and looked at him weirdly. "You want me to call a hawk instead of you?"

The snake spluttered. "N-no Sasuke-sama! I simply-"

"Oh now, I get it!" Sasuke pounded a fist to his palm getting an idea.

"You want me to send the ring to her via a messenger hawk! _Wing it!_ Aoda you're a genius!"

He started doing hand signs for a summoning.

Aoda's eyes widened. "No, Sasuke-sama! That's not a-"

"You are _not_ proposing to Sakura-chan _via a messenger hawk!_ "

Sasuke turned around and saw his blonde best friend. He was taking leaves off of his hair, seemingly to have appeared out of a bush.

Aoda let out a sigh of relief and took it as the perfect opportunity to leave. "I think he can take it from here, Sasuke-sama. I must rest now."

With a poof, the snake left. He really couldn't handle his master being this romantically inept. He of all people just had to ask a _reptile_ for advice on his love life? Only Sasuke Uchiha, indeed.

Sasuke frowned at the new comer. "What are you doing here, dobe?"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Obviously saving your ass from being handed to you by Sakura-chan! A messenger hawk? Really? It's like you _want_ her to punch a crater on your face!"

Sasuke scoffed at him annoyed and crossed his arms. "How would you do it then?"

Naruto grinned. "If it were me, I'd throw it in a ramen bowl and let Hinata-chan find it at the bottom."

Sasuke may be dumb at romance but he wasn't _that_ dumb.

"I am not risking a choking hazard to the mother of my three unborn children," Sasuke sneered. "Plus eating ramen is getting disgusting."

Naruto felt attacked. "How dare you say that? Take it back!"

"Whatever," Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Just help me with this proposal thing, dobe."

The blonde was still frowning but in the end gave him a small smirk. "Fine then, Teme. I'll help you practice."

Sasuke had no idea as to what was about to come when Naruto did a familiar hand sign and was suddenly covered by clouds of smoke.

Then there in front of Sasuke was suddenly a very naked Sakura standing in the middle of the training field.

"Now show me how you're going to propose to Sakura-chan!" Naruto said in Sakura's shrill voice.

The man stood in front of him with his face red and his eye twitching.

_Don't look at the boobs. Don't look at the boobs. Don't look at the boobs._

He shook his head _._

 _Don't look at the boobs or else you're a_ goner.

Sasuke took a deep breath, his eyes flashing red and tightened his fist.

"YOU'RE DEAD." Sasuke punched the gut of the henge in front of him with a vigor that rivaled his girlfriend's strength. Naruto's back landed on several tree barks before the momentum stopped.

As if it weren't enough, Sasuke stabbed his kusanagi to the ground and summoned up lightning towards the blonde's body. " _Chidori Nagashi!_ "

Naruto became a heap on the ground twitching with electricity and bruises. He slowly got up and groaned in pain.

"Kami, calm the fuck down! I was only trying to help!"

Sasuke's glare intensified. "Don't do that ever again! Sakura will kill you! _I'll_ kill you!"

"I'm not stupid enough to parade Sakura's goodies in public." Naruto rolled his eyes. "Did I at least get her measurements right?"

If looks could kill, the glare Sasuke was sending Naruto would have had him extra dead. " _Die_!"

Naruto gave out a long whistle. "Wow, you really are worked up about this, huh?"

"Hn, what was your first clue?"

Naruto stared at the Uchiha unimpressed.

"Sasuke you can summon up snakes, hawks, a humongous Japanese warrior god and _a fucking lightning dragon from the sky_ but you can't summon up the nerve to propose to your long term girlfriend pregnant with your triplets?"

_Well if he put it that way._

Sasuke sighed. "You don't get it."

"What's there to get?" Naruto shrugged. "It's just Sakura-chan. You've known her for a long time. Dated her for a long time too. What's got you all nervous?"

Sasuke rolled her eyes. "You're such an idiot. Of course, I know that! I'm nervous because she's everything I've ever wanted in life and now she's about to be the mother of my children. I don't want to screw up this proposal." Sasuke sighed. "She deserves better."

Naruto nodded. "Why don't you just wing it? What you just said doesn't sound too bad."

The Uchiha frowned confused. "Wing it? That's what Aoda said but you stopped me from summoning a messenger hawk."

"Pfft, and they say I'm the idiot?" Naruto shook his head. "He means just speak your mind or in this case your heart, Teme! Because heaven knows any script you have in your brain is going to cause you to malfunction."

"I'm just surprised you used the word malfunction coherently." Sasuke said amused. "But I suppose you _are_ right, dobe." He blinked. "Wow, I never thought I'd ever say that."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "So you're ready to propose to Sakura-chan?"

Sasuke nodded. "Maybe I should just head over to her right now."

The blonde grinned. "Nah, there's no need. She's right behind you."

"Wait- _what_?" Sasuke spluttered.

Sasuke slowly turned around and there approaching them on the field was his pink haired girlfriend looking at him with a frown.

"Sasuke Uchiha, do you know how hard it is to find you? When you told me to meet you at sundown, you never actually told me where you know?" Sakura sighed exasperatedly.

Naruto fled by the time she arrived to give them some privacy.

Now it was just the two of them alone.

And there she was. Sakura smiling at him, as she always did, with a smile she reserved for him and him alone.

As the sun set behind Sakura with the sunrays illuminating her gracious form, Sasuke couldn't help but stare at her. Her eyes ever jade, ever loving, ever warm. Her smile bright, wide, beaming at him so naturally. Her face always beautiful, always gorgeous.

Suddenly all his worries dissipated and he no longer felt afraid.

"Sakura."

The way he said her name made her blush.

"Yes, Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke stood in front of her and took both her hands, clutching them to his chest. His onyx eyes focused on hers of jade and it felt as if all of the world didn't exist to him except for only her.

He tightened his grip, sliding her hands to his heart. "Sakura, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you if you'd let me."

Sakura's eyes widened. "Sasuke-kun, are you asking me to?" she gulped.

"Aa," Sasuke nodded. "Marry me, Sakura."

Sakura couldn't help but let the tears spring out of her eyes. "Of course, I will Sasuke-kun. Of course, I will."

Sakura wrapped her arms around his neck and his lips crashed into hers. They engaged in a passionate kiss and when they finally pulled away, Sasuke placed the wedding band he had on her left ring finger.

Sakura was gazing at it in admiration.

Sasuke smirked. "I can't wait for you to be my wife, Sakura Uchiha."

* * *

_Itachi, Izumi, Shisui, Ino and Naruto hid in the trees at a distance in order to spy on the couple._

" _Oh look, the twerp's proposing to Sakura."_

" _This is adorable!"_

" _I can't believe Teme pulled it off."_

" _He better take care of Forehead."_

" _Oh my god."_

" _What the-"_

" _Are they okay?"_

" _Did he just slam her into a tree?"_

" _Oh god, oh god, what are they doing?"_

" _Did he just rip that off with his teeth?"_

" _He looks like he's eating her! Like actually eating her!"_

" _Holy shit, that looked like it fucking hurt."_

" _Can they be any louder? What the fuck."_

" _They're really going to do it on the training grounds' forest floor?"_

" _This is damn unsanitary and-"_

" _Wait a minute, where the hell is Itachi?"_

" _Wasn't he here just a second ago?"_

_#_

Not again. Not again. Not again. Not again. Not again.

 _Unbeknownst to them, Itachi fled the moment he caught wind of his little brother sending his now-fiancé bedroom eyes. He ran for his life, not wanting to witness that sort of trauma_ ever _again._

**Author's Note:**

> Just to put it out there, aside from "Holy fuck, that's like six sharingans!", I'd say "Sasuke you can summon up snakes, hawks, a humongous Japanese warrior god and a fucking lightning dragon from the sky but you can't summon up the nerve to propose to your long term girlfriend pregnant with your triplets?" Is one of my top favorite dialogues that made me crack up while writing it in this fic.
> 
> Also, Sasuke is me. I am Sasuke. I am the one that needs one hour for my brain to reboot after waking up because I'm either cranky, stupid or both at the first hour.
> 
> Thank you for reading this giant lug. Really.
> 
> The tiring parts of writing this was the not-so-funny parts tbh.
> 
> Despite this, I hope y'all enjoyed it.
> 
> -Rex


End file.
